There could be a speedy return to the ‘good old days’ of yesteryear in Lytham St. Anne’s as the Prime Minister is reported to be preparing to announce the nationwide return of imperial measurements following Brexit. This could come as early as Friday, coinciding with the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. Apparently, Boris Johnson thinks this move will boost support in Leave-voting Redwall areas after Conservative polling took a hit amid revelations about lockdown-busting parties at No 10.

 MP Brandon Lewis, the Northern Ireland Secretary stated that this move would allow the likes of greengrocers and pub landlords to run their businesses as they see fit following the UK’s exit from the European Union. Earlier today (29^th May) he told Sky News’s Sophy Ridge On Sunday programme: ‘This gives people and businesses the freedom. There are sectors out there – I know people out there in my constituency, the market traders and vegetable traders as well as some of the pubs – which will be pleased to be able to go back to those imperial measurements. We’re just saying you now have a choice, and now we’ve left the EU we can do that. Yes, it is one of the smaller things we can do since we left the EU, there are other bigger things we can do and want to do, but it is an indication we now have the freedom to make these decisions ourselves.’

In a prelude to this return to yesteryear, pint glasses from Friday may be adorned with a Crown for the first time in nearly 20 years after Ministers axed EU rules banning the patriotic symbol. MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has announced this as ‘a very fitting symbol of how the Queen’s realm is being returned to her people now that they have been freed from the bureaucratic Suzerain of Brussels.’ From Friday, pubs will be able to sell pints in glasses bearing the symbol for the first time since the 2004 EU Measuring Instruments Directive required the use of the EU-wide ‘CE mark’ to demonstrate conformity with EU rules.